Motherfucking Blue Eyes

The worst thing about that crazy-religious guy was that he would not shut up, not just about God, but the criticizing, nitpicking, correcting, mansplaining. I swear to God, native Portlanders are the most annoying, irritating people on Earth! It's worse than New Jersey out here on this planet.

What ended it finally is so stupid I'm not even going to say. I thought we were play-acting. He'd shout at me, and I'd cry and call him "Dad" and stuff. It was a whole lot of fun, but, over time, I came to realize this guy WAS fucking with me, and he was NOT joking. He's a dang NUT.

One of the worst moments was when--after I'd given him my book--he gave it BACK to me. I said, "Oh fuck you, you're not giving my book back, and why are you giving me squash? I don't want your fucking squash!"

I guess you can see now why he threw me out, but that's not all! This dumb motherfucker, I swear to God, constantly insulted me for looking at trash! He's like, "That's disgusting. Why are you looking at trash?"

"Mother fucker! Don't you have any humanity? This is real human stuff! Gold GLITTERS in that which is thrown away! You should see the shit my Mom saved for over 50 years! Jesus Christ, man; you're just like my sisters! NONE of this stuff is going to exist in two weeks! Trash is PRECIOUS!!!"

Motherfucker is lucky he's still alive. Seriously!

I guess you see now why gay male-male relationships have SO MUCH MORE domestic violence! I'm done, man. No bisexual dude friends for me. You're either STRAIGHT, GAY, or a WOMAN, or you fuck off. I don't care whose dick you suck. I'm not a bigot. You can suck MY dick, okay? Just shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up, Elliot! Shut the fuck up!

Honestly, I swear to God, this has been such a lesson to me in the psychology of anti-bisexual prejudice. I should write a paper and submit it to Nature, haha ha haha!